i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
