Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
