My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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