doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
