So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
