You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
