The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
