I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
