booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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