Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
