i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
