Sry I called you an 8
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
