if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
