omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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