Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
