Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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