i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We left the knife in your bed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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