If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
