Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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