I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
