you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
