I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to