Texts From Last Night

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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too

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  (606):are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too http://tfl.nu/1ky4
  Replies (2) Good night (1414) Bad night (623)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i must have dtf stamped on my forehead

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  (919): i must have dtf stamped on my forehead http://tfl.nu/gk7r
  Replies (41) Good night (2907) Bad night (711)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises

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  (407): I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises http://tfl.nu/5v7b
  Replies (8) Good night (2852) Bad night (718)
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  (221): View more from

  I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.

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  (221): I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/7n2x
  Replies (20) Good night (1249) Bad night (7497)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.

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  (919): Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd. http://tfl.nu/5f3i
  Replies (64) Good night (8918) Bad night (889)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

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  (850): hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored. http://tfl.nu/m1fl
  Replies (43) Good night (1098) Bad night (7904)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  he just came in and straightened the chair and left again

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  (905): he just came in and straightened the chair and left again http://tfl.nu/sy2j
  Replies (4) Good night (2536) Bad night (874)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it

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  (201): I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it http://tfl.nu/a65q
  Replies (16) Good night (3949) Bad night (1052)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house

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  (814): love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house http://tfl.nu/d9cn
  Replies (14) Good night (3283) Bad night (1065)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys

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  (615): You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys http://tfl.nu/1mtc
  Replies (2) Good night (2469) Bad night (973)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.

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  (641): Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings. http://tfl.nu/iq9m
  Replies (4) Good night (1640) Bad night (746)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.

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  (404): Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want. http://tfl.nu/ce96
  Replies (6) Good night (1984) Bad night (406)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.

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  (702): You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe. http://tfl.nu/iy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (1298) Bad night (310)
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  (562): View more from California

  Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around

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  (562): Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around http://tfl.nu/8h5l
  Replies (4) Good night (366) Bad night (575)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.

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  (206): Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary. http://tfl.nu/o05e
  Replies (1) Good night (282) Bad night (458)

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