hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
false alarm. still invincible.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
