he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
