all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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