dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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