Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
