Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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