I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
