Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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