Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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