ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
