even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
