her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
