The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
