I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
