WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
