i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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