Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
