you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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