i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
