It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
