the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pants are for mortals
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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