Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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