I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
