We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
