That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
