Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
