Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
