i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
