I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
