im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
