Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
