when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
