dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
