I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
zippers are such a cool invention
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
