you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
