the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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