I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
