Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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