His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
