Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
