I love black thongs
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
