Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
