i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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