There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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