your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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