Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
