Where did you get a picture of my penis
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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